When Two Become One

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that marriage is not always a bed of roses. No relationship is for that matter. There are good times and there are bad times. There are times when you feel like giving up, and times when you feel a blossoming in the relationship like you've never felt before. There are frustrations, hurt, and ugly sides to marriage that sometimes go un-talked about. Communication issues, affection issues. We are all individuals, and we all have individual wants, needs, and desires. Often times, these expectations aren't met. At times, marriage and relationships can hit  some dry patches. 

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Here is where the problem lies- we focus too much on what is wrong in our relationship and what needs to be changed, especially in the other person, rather than focusing on the positive. This wilts our marriage and relationship. We set up false expectations that ourselves and our spouses can never live up to. We feel an emptiness, and the only person who can fill that emptiness in our hearts and our lives is JESUS. So instead of relying on your spouse to fulfill all your needs and live up to all of your expectations, first look to your Heavenly Father. A flower needs good soil, water, and sunlight to survive. We need Jesus to survive. Seeking your spouse out as your source of life and happiness will only leave you wilted and drained. And it isn't fair to put anyone in the position of being your savior. They will always fail! Christ is our one and only Savior. 

So when you feel like nothing is going right for you in your marriage, look to Christ. When you feel all alone, realize you are NEVER alone with Christ on your side. When your spouse dissapoints you, look to the God that NEVER dissappoints. And most importantly, stop trying to change your spouse!! It will only lead to dissappointment and hurt in a marriage. First look at yourself! Maybe you need to change your perspective. Often times, we miss the amazing qualities of our marriages and relationships because we become too focused on the dry patches! 

"When you start looking for the good in your spouse, you automatically stop looking for the bad. Freshen your perspective!" - Marriage Works via Facebook 

While you are busy inspecting your spouse's rose and how your spouse needs to change, you fail to realize that there are plenty of areas in your OWN life that need changing! No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect. No spouse is perfect. There is always something in our lives that we need Christ to change. Ask Christ to change YOUR heart, and instead of praying for Jesus to change your spouse, ask Him first and foremost to change YOU. 

You may be thinking, well you don't know my husband/wife. I don't need to change as much as they do. Again, no one is perfect. Have you ever made a mistake in a relationship or marriage? Have you ever said a hurtful thing and come to regret it? Have you ever hated a sinful pattern in your life that you just can't seem to get rid of? We all have! Would you want your spouse to be unforgiving and cold-hearted to you, even after you ask for forgiveness? Of course not! Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated, even if they don't extend that same attitude back to you. Christ can move through you to positively affect your spouse through your Christ-like actions. 

So then that leads to this question...

What if your spouse doesn't treat you in a way that you feel you deserve? What if they are unforgiving and spiteful? What if you feel like you are the only person putting any effort into the relationship? 

First look at your relationship with Jesus. Jesus is constantly seeking us out. He wants you to give Him your all. Do you always do so? Or do you ignore Jesus' callings in your life? Are you working on your relationship with Christ? What if the answer is no, or not very often? Jesus Christ still seeks after you. So we should extend that same behavior toward our spouse. We don't deserve Jesus' love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness, but he still offers it to us anyways. Realize that your spouse is human too. Humble yourself and bow before Jesus Christ. Confess and repent, admitting you are a sinner just like everyone else, in desperate need of our Life-Giver, and let Jesus shine through you to your spouse. 

Every rose has its thorns. Every relationship has its dry patches. The question is, what are you letting Christ do through YOU, to change that dry patch into a blossoming bed of roses? 

The Upright Rose

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

Philippians 3:13-16

It is very easy to determine whether a rose is in a healthy or an unhealthy condition. A healthy rose has a vibrant color; its petals are smooth, not brittle; it's upright, not wilted. Unhealthy roses show signs of decay- discoloration, crumbling petals, a noticeably drooping appearance. Which rose are you? Have you been tending to your spiritual life? Or is it showing signs of decay? Are you upright, pressing on "toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God" or are you drooping? We need to be upright roses!

The word upright can be defined as honorable, righteous, just, blameless, and according to dictionary.reference.com, "being in accord with what is right." So what does that mean exactly? Let's dissect the upright rose. In this passage from Philippians, we see a common theme- "straining forward," "press on," "toward the goal," "upward call." These suggest that we are in need of progress. We must continually reach ahead. What are we reaching toward? A prize. And what is that prize? Jesus. Eternal life. Not what we see in the here and now, but what comes after- what is for eternity. Because that is what truly matters.

How do we do this? Straining forward isn't easy. When we feel like the petals of life are crumbling beneath us, how do we press on? We hear God's call to remain upright, and we must respond*. "Let those of us who are mature think this way" (v.15). The word "mature" in the passage can also be translated as "perfect." If you're really perfect/mature, you will realize you're not yet perfect/mature*. Plain and simple: we need Jesus. We need to rely on Him.

In Philippians 1:9-11, we see another passage dealing with uprightness. We are to be pure and blameless (v.10). We need to constantly grow in Christ. We need to have a growing sense of urgency, a desire, to get to know our Creator more. Like Noah, we should walk with God- having an ongoing intimacy with Christ (Gen. 6:9). As we follow Jesus more closely, we will see an increase in uprightness within us. We will begin to see joyful obedience. We will experience a love and satisfaction like no other. This doesn't mean we will be perfect, but we need to continually see an increase in our likeness to Christ. We can only get that by spending time with Him. "Filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes THROUGH Jesus Christ," and this results in "the glory and praise of God," (Phil. 1:10-11). We are not to strive to be upright for our glory, but for HIS.

This may seem impossible. We may never get where we want to be. We might feel like we can never possibly be as upright as we hope. The world is too heavy on our shoulders. Our rose is wilting and we can't seem to keep pressing on. But let us look at someone who remained "blameless and upright; one who feared God and turned away from evil", even when he lost everything he had (Job 1:1). Let's look at the life of Job. In Job 1, we see that Job was a man who had everything anyone could possibly imagine. He was beyond blessed in family and possessions. Then one day, he lost everything he had. He lost his children and his wealth. Read Job 1:13-19 to read the extent of his loss. He tore his clothes, shaved his head, and fell to the ground....and what did he do next? He WORSHIPED. And he goes on to say this:

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord

Job 1:21

He had grief, YET he trusted in the Lord. He held a posture of grief YET he worshiped.

So even when your whole world seems to be crashing down; even when you feel like you fail time after time again; even if you feel the pressure of this life threatening to wilt your rose, don't let it! Take it all to Jesus! Glorify Him through it all! And you will remain an Upright Rose, with the strength of Christ, "straining forward to what lies ahead."




*ESV Study Bible footnotes Phil. 1 and 3

Photo Creds: https://drscdn.500px.org/photo/60051542/m%3D2048/b3a64ec25c3bbe507f91768798a32a92

The Grass Withers

Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, having been born again, not of corruptible seed, but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever, because "All flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass. The grass withers and its flower falls away, but the word of the Lord endures forever." Now this is the word which by the gospel was preached to you.

1 Peter 1:22-25

You just woke up. You're sitting outside sipping on a warm cup of coffee; you're soaking up the crisp morning air and the smell of freshly-cut grass while looking out upon God's beautiful creation. You hear birds chirping, you see flowers blooming- you're in awe. You feel relaxed; at peace. It's the calm before the storm- the calm before you embark on the busy day that lies ahead. Then your alarm goes off. You pull out your phone. Time's up. Dread fills your mind as you force yourself to get up and moving, longing to just press pause, and stay in that moment forever. What if I told you that you could?

In these verses from 1 Peter, we learn that life is short. The freshly-cut grass and blooming flowers that we wish we could enjoy forever are temporary. They are here for a season, and are gone again with the snap of a finger. The good news? "The word of the Lord endures forever." Real, lasting peace isn't found in the wee hours of the morning when all of life seems perfect. It is found in Christ. Even when our lives are in shambles, we can still find that everlasting peace that only Jesus Christ can provide. 

What should we do with that encouragement? Extend it to others! Show others the same love that Christ shows you! Choose to "love one another fervently with a pure heart"! Love is a choice! "Fervently" here means to stretch to the limits. So when your husband, father, mother, brother, sister, coworker, employer, friend, [you fill in the blank] are getting on your last nerves? Show them fervent love- because that is what Christ gives to you. Because you're no longer "of corruptible seed, but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever". And because, let's face it- life is short and eternity is forever. 

Pic creds http://www.suggestkeyword.com/ZGVhZCBncmFzcw/ 

Thorns of Life

"The seed cast in the [thorns] is the person who hears the kingdom news, but [thorns] of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard, and nothing comes of it" Matthew 13:22 (MSG)

Have you ever seen a beautiful rose bush laced with hundreds of thorns? Most are, and some more than others. The bush could contain plenty of luscious roses, but the thorns always seem to outnumber whatever lovely display of roses there is to see. 

We are roses in a world enlaced with thorns. The question is, are we tangled up in them? In Matthew 13, Jesus is illustrating a message using a parable about a farmer planting seed. The seed is the gospel, and is cast onto the ground. Depending on the soil, the seed will either last, or die for lack of a good foundation. I want to focus on the thorny ground. Re-read verse 22. The thorns of worry and want choke out the seed. This type of foundation relates to a person who cannot break with the love of money or the world. They care too much for the world and are decieved by riches. This type of person hears Christ, but then their love of the world chokes out the Word of God. And any one of us can easily become this person in this thorn-enlaced world. 

"You cannot focus on the kingdom of God while tangled up in the thorns of this life" -James MacDonald 

In Matthew 19:16-22, Jesus is speaking to a rich young ruler. The young man asks what he should do to have eternal life. Jesus proceeds to tell him in verse 21, "go, sell what you have and give to the poor." Jesus wasn't setting terms for salvation, but he was testing the young man to see where his heart lay.* He failed the test. He "went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions," (vs. 22). He allowed his love for himself and his love for possessions* to ensnare him in a thorn, and he ended up rejecting Jesus! 

The world is temporary. Christ is not. Our fancy cars, beautiful homes, big TV's, and life savings will go away. We are going to die one day and face reality. Did we allow ourselves to be ensnared in the thorns of the world, choking Christ out, or did Christ enter our hearts, and grow in such a way that no thorn could overtake us? 

"And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" 

1 John 2:17 

*The MACARTHUR Study Bible footnotes Matthew 19:16-22

Roses Set on a Hill

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven"

Matthew 5:14-16 

A rose shines on display for all to see. Have you ever heard the saying "stop and smell the roses,"? Roses are symbols of happiness, joy, satisfaction; beauty, love, and friendship. The list can go on and on. Roses stand out among flowers, and rightly so. They are beautiful! And it is easy to inspect each one we see. It is easy to pick out their imperfections. It is easy to distinguish between a healthy and unhealthy rose. In the same way, we are like roses. It is easy for us to pick out other's imperfections. It is easy for us to identify in our minds who is "good" and who is "bad." And often, we do this without inspecting ourselves in the same manner. 

Christ is the light of the world, and when He enters our hearts, we carry that light in us as well. We become a rose "set on a hill," with a very heavy responsibility. We are put on display. Others watch us. We become role models, whether we like it or not. So it is time to inspect ourselves for a change. 

"The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness" Luke 11:34-35

The eye referred to here is the Word of God, or the source of light. Re-read the passage again and replace the word "eye" with "source of light." The Word of God SHOULD be our source of light, but if its not, then something else is. So what is your source? Who, or what, is replacing God's Word in your life? Who or what are you putting the most energy into? "take heed, that the light which is in you is not darkness" 

A rose needs water, sunlight, and good soil to survive. If it doesn't receive these things, it will start to show. It will begin to wilt, petal by petal, taking away its glorious beauty. When people look at the rose, all they will see are the wilted petals. Are you receiving the nutrients of God's Word? Or are you nourishing yourself with bad soil? Inspect your petals. Are you wilting? Or shining Christ's lighton glorious   display for all to see? 

None of us are perfect, and never will be. And Christ often works best through our imperfections. However, this doesn't give us a free pass. We cannot truly bloom in this life without going to the Author and Perfector of our faith. Every rose has its faults, but we must let Christ nourish us and restore those faults so that we can display His light to the world! 

Photo creds: 

http://aquifer.deviantart.com/art/Shining-Rose-106485393 

The Hedge Trimmer

The way of a lazy man is like a hedge of thorns

         Proverbs 15:19a

Many of us are trapped with a hedge of thorns holding us in captivity. We have much to offer. We have the capability of being a beautiful rose, and showing that beauty to the world, but there is a hedge of thorns standing in our way. That hedge is a hedge of laziness. 

Whether the hedge be physical, emotional, or spiritual, all of us have a streak of laziness in us that likes to rear its ugly head from time to time. We can become so consumed in one area of our life, that other areas are neglected. We can become so busy, that we lose the energy to even think about devoting time to the areas that are being neglected, even when we know they are. We become trapped in this hedge of thorns, but the good news is- we have the trimmer needed to break free. Yet...we don't use it. That hedge trimmer is Jesus Christ.               

The busyness of our lives can become overwhelming. Duties as a wife, mother, high school or college student, employee, etc. can weigh us down. We tend to tell ourselves that we deserve to be lazy in certain areas of our lives because of all we do, but in reality, they are excuses. There is a difference between rest and laziness. There is a fine line between the two, and we need to constantly evaluate ourselves and go to Christ for his evaluation, to see where our hearts lay. Because not only does our laziness affect ourselves, it affects others. 

"Because of laziness the building decays, and through idleness of hands the house leaks," Ecclesiastes 10:18

This verse is an analogy to the kingdom of a lazy monarch, and can become an analogy for our lives as well. Just like a lazy monarch affects his kingdom, a lazy wife, mother, daughter, student, employee, and follower of Christ will and does affect others, especially the people closest to you- the people in your home.

"What all thorns have in common is that they threaten to displace Christ as Lord in our lives. They try to  overwhelm us with their bigness and scare tactics...or in some cases, their appeal" - Caitlin Williams 

We often become too lazy to remove the thorns of laziness from our lives, and this is when our laziness takes a turn for the worse- it becomes sin. 

As a wife and mother, we hold a greater responsibility. We are in charge of the heart of the home. We are to strive to make the home a peaceful sanctuary. And even if we are not a wife or a mother, we still hold part of the responisbility of the home and those around us. Our attitude affects others, whether we realize it or not. 

All of this might sound like bad news, but there is good news. We still hold in our hands the hedge trimmer, our Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ. When you feel overwhelmed, when you feel tempted, when you feel like you don't have the willpower, turn to Christ and His Word. Ask Christ for help. 

You can't do it all yourself. You can't meet every need that is thrown your way without continual refreshment in God's Word. Spending time in the presence of Christ will rejuvenate you in a way like no other. He will refresh your body, soul, and spirit.

"The more time you spend with the Lord, the more radiant you will become" -Stormie Omartian 

Ladies, become a Proverbs 31 woman! I challenge you to go through Proverbs 31 and make a list of all the character traits a virtuous woman has. Strive towards them! Ask Christ to help you become her! And I promise you, Christ will rip apart the hedge that is holding you captive. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised" Proverbs 31:30. 

 So...invite Christ in! Pick up that hedge trimmer and use it!! You have all the tools you need! 

Photo creds: https://louisaapril.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/i-never-plucked-the-rose/