When Two Become One

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that marriage is not always a bed of roses. No relationship is for that matter. There are good times and there are bad times. There are times when you feel like giving up, and times when you feel a blossoming in the relationship like you've never felt before. There are frustrations, hurt, and ugly sides to marriage that sometimes go un-talked about. Communication issues, affection issues. We are all individuals, and we all have individual wants, needs, and desires. Often times, these expectations aren't met. At times, marriage and relationships can hit  some dry patches. 

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Here is where the problem lies- we focus too much on what is wrong in our relationship and what needs to be changed, especially in the other person, rather than focusing on the positive. This wilts our marriage and relationship. We set up false expectations that ourselves and our spouses can never live up to. We feel an emptiness, and the only person who can fill that emptiness in our hearts and our lives is JESUS. So instead of relying on your spouse to fulfill all your needs and live up to all of your expectations, first look to your Heavenly Father. A flower needs good soil, water, and sunlight to survive. We need Jesus to survive. Seeking your spouse out as your source of life and happiness will only leave you wilted and drained. And it isn't fair to put anyone in the position of being your savior. They will always fail! Christ is our one and only Savior. 

So when you feel like nothing is going right for you in your marriage, look to Christ. When you feel all alone, realize you are NEVER alone with Christ on your side. When your spouse dissapoints you, look to the God that NEVER dissappoints. And most importantly, stop trying to change your spouse!! It will only lead to dissappointment and hurt in a marriage. First look at yourself! Maybe you need to change your perspective. Often times, we miss the amazing qualities of our marriages and relationships because we become too focused on the dry patches! 

"When you start looking for the good in your spouse, you automatically stop looking for the bad. Freshen your perspective!" - Marriage Works via Facebook 

While you are busy inspecting your spouse's rose and how your spouse needs to change, you fail to realize that there are plenty of areas in your OWN life that need changing! No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect. No spouse is perfect. There is always something in our lives that we need Christ to change. Ask Christ to change YOUR heart, and instead of praying for Jesus to change your spouse, ask Him first and foremost to change YOU. 

You may be thinking, well you don't know my husband/wife. I don't need to change as much as they do. Again, no one is perfect. Have you ever made a mistake in a relationship or marriage? Have you ever said a hurtful thing and come to regret it? Have you ever hated a sinful pattern in your life that you just can't seem to get rid of? We all have! Would you want your spouse to be unforgiving and cold-hearted to you, even after you ask for forgiveness? Of course not! Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated, even if they don't extend that same attitude back to you. Christ can move through you to positively affect your spouse through your Christ-like actions. 

So then that leads to this question...

What if your spouse doesn't treat you in a way that you feel you deserve? What if they are unforgiving and spiteful? What if you feel like you are the only person putting any effort into the relationship? 

First look at your relationship with Jesus. Jesus is constantly seeking us out. He wants you to give Him your all. Do you always do so? Or do you ignore Jesus' callings in your life? Are you working on your relationship with Christ? What if the answer is no, or not very often? Jesus Christ still seeks after you. So we should extend that same behavior toward our spouse. We don't deserve Jesus' love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness, but he still offers it to us anyways. Realize that your spouse is human too. Humble yourself and bow before Jesus Christ. Confess and repent, admitting you are a sinner just like everyone else, in desperate need of our Life-Giver, and let Jesus shine through you to your spouse. 

Every rose has its thorns. Every relationship has its dry patches. The question is, what are you letting Christ do through YOU, to change that dry patch into a blossoming bed of roses?